Striptease!
by IKissedHisStonyLips
Summary: Emmett has an attention problem, we all know that. But now, his problem might get everyone into a heap of trouble. A heap of hot, sexy, dirty trouble.
1. Chapter 1

**_Woo! My NEW story! How exciting! So, it's only a 3-shot, just like Uninformed, but I hope you all will like it. I don't have a beta for it becuase I figured it's only 3 chapters so it's no biggie, but if you do see errors let me know and i'll fix it up. Other than that, I now present to you, Striptease!_**

**_Chapter 1: Screw girls! Guys just wanna have fun too!_**

Emmett's POV

I am so_ bored! _All anyone ever does around this place is sit around. Look, there's Esme sitting on the couch reading a gardening magazine. Carlisle, of course, is sitting right next to her reading some book with a gazillion pages. Alice and Bella are on the other side of the couch debating on the pros and cons of a day wedding versus a night wedding. Edward is sitting on the floor between Bella's legs watching TV.

Of course I doubt he was really paying any attention to the news that was on. He seemed more concerned with the way Bella was running her hand through his hair. Man, that kid needs to just stop being so conservative and take Bella upstairs to his room and—

"Emmett," Edward said, a warning in his voice.

No one paid him any mind. He was always warning me about one of my thoughts or another. I continued my observation trail around the room.

Jasper was sitting in the arm chair writing a fricken novel or something. I finally ended my little tour with Rosalie, the love of my life, who was sitting next to me on the love couch. She was painting her nails, which were Firecracker Red today.

I sighed. This whole "perfect family" thing was really starting to get old. Where was all of the excitement? The spontaneity? We needed to go out! Have fun!

Unfortunately I couldn't think of a single thing that a vampire family could do. I mean, there was always bowling…but that's for losers. And besides, with all of the vampire speed and aim, the only one without a perfect score would be Bella.

"Too true," Edward muttered under his breath, a small smile grin on his face.

I smiled at him. _So what should we do?_ I thought. He shrugged absentmindedly, already bored with the conversation.

I rolled my eyes. There had to be something we could do. Ooh! Hunting! Yea that would be—oh right, Bella. Edward smirked and I sighed again.

I couldn't even think of anything remotely fun that we could do. Nothing new ever… wait a minute. There _was _something new we could do! Not in town, but in Seattle. There was that new—!

"No Emmett," Edward said.

_Oh come on! _I thought, _it'll be bitchin! _Edward gave me a skeptical look.

"Did you just say—?"

_No, I thought it_ I defended myself.

"Okay, I give in. What is Emmett up too?" Bella asked.

Ha! Bella is _always_ the first to break.

"Emmett wants the family to go to a strip club in Seattle." And Alice is always the first to ruin the surprise.

"Emmett, honey?" Rosalie asked. "Are you serious?"

"Well," I told her. "Yeah."

She looked up at me form her nail-painting and said, "Wow you're an idiot."

She's such a supporter, huh?

"I am _not _seeing the big deal here," I told my family. "It's not like we ever do anything fun!"

"So you don't call fighting in a major vampire battle with werewolf allies 'fun?'" I had to admit, Jasper had a point.

I thought for a second before responding, "I meant fun that doesn't put our lives in danger."

"Touché," he said.

"Oh come on you guys! It's gonna be fun!" My family was already returning to whatever they were doing before I interrupted them. Rosalie was now working on her toes.

_This is so hopeless._I looked around the room. The seven Cullen's and the Swan were all being boring again. Just call us the boring Cullen plus a Swan family! Gosh! The only time you can ever get a Cullen to do something is if you—oh! Oh! Mwahaha! Now _this _will get them going!

"Emmett, don't you go there," Alice warned as she looked away from her a Bella's conversation in order to glare at me.

"She's right Emmett. Let it go," Edward agreed. "You know what will happen."

I ignored their crying and stood to face my family.

"Cullens," I began. I heard a small cough from Bella's direction. "And Swan-soon-to-become-a-Cullen," I corrected myself.

"Oh what is it already Emmett?" Man, Rosalie sure could be a party-pooper.

"I, Emmet Cullen, dares all of you to go to the strip club with me tonight." You know, until that moment, I never realized how quiet vampires could get.

The only sound in the room was from Bella's heart beat and breathing. The room seemed to be getting smaller, and smaller. Why you ask? Because if there is one thing you never do, it is dare a Cullen.

"Wow Emmett, you _dare_ us?" Bella joked. "Ooh you _really_ pushed us into it, right Alice?"

Ah, Bella. She was so young and oh so wrong in this case. Alice didn't even look at her. Instead she held her evil glare of evilness at me.

"Hello?" Bella asked, her smile fading away as she waved her hand in front of Alice. "Guys? Oh come on. You all aren't seriously going through with this just because he _dared_ you to, right? Right?" Bella began to look worried as she looked around the room. Everyone was staring directly at me.

I stood my ground, glaring back at my family. Carlisle was the first to regain composure.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing? I mean do you really want to go through with this? It's okay to back out now," he said as calmly as he could. I, however, could hear the earnestness behind his words.

I smiled at my adoptive dad. "Oh yes, I definitely want to go through with this."

Carlisle stood up. "Emmett, I'll see you down here in twenty minutes. It seems we have a strip club to go to. Now, if you'll excuse me." I grinned as he ran upstairs.

"Alright Daddy-o!" I yelled after him.

"Emmett," Esme began as she, too, stood up. "I cannot believe you brought things to this level. Especially after the last time. I'll see you soon I suppose." With that she followed Carlisle upstairs.

I looked at the rest of them. They seemed wary…well, except Bella. She seemed scared out of her mind.

"Edward?" She asked him. "Edward are you actually going to do this?" Bella's voice seemed to have awaken Edward from whatever trance he was in.

"Come on Bella, let's get you home." he stood up and looked down at Bella on the couch as he waited for her to get up.

Bella slowly got to her feet. "Edward," she said. "You never answered my question."

Edward hesitated for a minute before saying, "Well, I'll only be there for a short while. Just long enough to where Emmett can't call me a chicken."

"HA!" I cheered.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! If you go to that strip club I am going with you!" she yelled at him sternly.

"Ooh, she told you, bro."

"Shut up, Emmett. Bella, listen, this is not a place for you. I couldn't bare to think of you in a place with so much…dirtiness." He told her.

"He does have a point, Bella. The strip club is pretty bad."

"Shut _up,_ Emmett. Edward, you expect me to just be all happy-go-lucky with the fact that you're going to a strip club without me?" She shot back.

"You know, this entire thing is all about trust. I mean, Bella, are you saying you don't trust Edward not to do anything while off at the strip club? And Edward, are you doubting your trust in Bella's ability to take care of her self _again?"_

_"Emmett! Shut up!!" _I got the feeling they wanted me out of this.

"Okay, okay, but…can I just say one more thing?" They gave me a look. "Listen, all I'm saying is that I bet the Cullens _plus a Swan soon-to-become-a-Cullen _to go to the club. Therefore, Bella is as much as a part of the bet as anyone." Please hold your applause, I already know I'm good!

That statement earned me a gigantorific smile form Bella and a rather, uhh…well, I guess _mean_ look from Edward.

"Ha! See Edward? I am just as much a part of this as you! Unless of course _you_ don't see me as a Cullen?"

Mwahaha! Bella is a genius! _Now what Edward? _I thought triumphantly. I watched as Edward contemplated his options. There probably weren't very many.

"No, there aren't thanks to you Emmett," Edward rushed out in hushed tones. "Alright Bella, we'll both go to the strip club." Bella smiled and sat back down on the couch, Edward following her lead.

"Fine, so we're going to the strip club. Are we going to change or what, Alice?" Rosalie asked.

Alice jumped up.

"Oh, yes! Bella, I already have the perfect outfit for you. And yes Rosalie, I have shoes to go with your outfit." Leave it to Alice to already have a plan.

"Alice," Bella groaned, "I don't see why I have to get all dressed up to go to the _strip club._ It's not like I'm trying to impress anybody _there._" By the time she was done saying her name Alice had already had her up the stairs.

"So Jasper, you in man?" I asked him excitedly.

"Yes, I guess I have too. I mean," he looked up at me from his writing. "It's not like I can have you earning eternal bragging rights."

"Touché," I agreed.

Twenty minutes later the whole family was down stairs and ready to go. Rosalie seemed to be the only one talking to me…well Rosalie and Bella.

"So Emmett, what's the name of this club anyway?" Bella asked.

"The Teasers! They strip and dip as you tip!" I told her proudly.

"Can we please just get this over with?" Edward said.

I swear, he could be so impatient at times.

"Sure," I said. "Everyone got cash right?"

"Cash? For what?" Esme, in all her sweetness, asked.

"Well darling," Carlisle began, throwing us dirty looks as we all began to snicker. "You see the, err, _workers_, have to be, um, paid for their, erm, duties."

"Oh my! You mean we're going to actually _watch_ the stripping?"

I couldn't help it. I cracked up at the look on Esme's face. Priceless!

"Let's just go shall we?" Carlisle suggested.

We all trudged out, Bella and I still laughing.

"So how many cars are we taking?" Rosalie asked.

"Hmm," I said, thinking. "Well we should definitely show up in style--"

"Let's take one," Alice said.

"Aw but Alice--!"

"Hey, you want to bet against me?" She asked.

I sighed. "No, okay Alice. Navigator it is."

And that was it. We all piled into the car.

"I didn't even know you guys had a Navigator," Bella mused as Carlisle pulled out of the driveway and headed towards Seattle.

"Yeah, we never use it because Rosalie could only get the maximum speed to 175 mph," Edward told her.

"Oh right, because that is _so_ slow," she muttered to herself.

Carlisle and Esme were in the front. Me, Rosalie, and Jasper took up the middle row, and Alice, Bella, and Edward took up the rear. Just perfect. I mean, now this was more like it! No more sitting at home being bored! My family and I were going out to have some kick-shit fun!

"Did you honestly just say the word _'kick-shit?'" _Edward asked.

"No, I thought it. There's a difference," I stated.

Bella busted into laughter. I smiled to myself as I watched Esme and Carlisle share a worried glace at each other. I didn't need Alice to tell me. I knew, for a fact, that we were going to have a great time.

**_Did you like it? Hopefully you did but even if you didn't if you would be so kind as to review, that would be AWESOME!_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Lol so this took longer to update than expected but I rewrote it like a bagillion times...and it's still not perfect! Grr...**

**Hope you like it! Oh! And this chapter is dedicated to my sister from Germany (haha insider) HILDA!! **

**Disclaimer(lol i forgot this): ...**

**_Sophia is skipping down a meadow when all of a sudden, an army of freakishly, gigantic squirrels start running towards her._**

**_"What do you want from me?!" Sophia screams as the biggest, alpha squirrel closes in on her._**

**_"You stole Stephenie Meyer's story line! You shall parish!" Said the giant squirrel._**

**_"What? No, the Twilight characters belong to the great Stephenie! Everyone knows that!"_**

**_The giant squirrel backs off some. _**

**_"Very well then puny human. Your answer will suffuce ...for now." _**

**_The squirrels run away in the direction they came from._**

**...even if you don't like the chapter please review and tell me how amazing that was! Lol**

**Ch 2!!**

Bella's POV

So there we were. Seven vampires and a human off to a strip club. The truth was though (no matter what I told Edward) I _was_ pretty nervous., I mean, I'm going to a strip club? Me? Little old Bella who can't even walk a semi-straight line _sober?_ Little old Bella who doesn't even have the guts to give an oral report in English? Yea, I was definitely nervous.

Luckily, everyone else must have been nervous as well. Even if only a little. How do I know this? Because Jasper is not making fun of me for being nervous. I mean, he can't make fun of all of us for being nervous… and I have a feeling he might be nervous himself.

Of course, I would've felt better if Alice hadn't put me in this ridiculous outfit. Well ok, ok, it wasn't _completely _ridiculous. Actually, I rather liked it. I was wearing white denim shorts that were, well, _short_ (in fact they were so short they might as well have been underwear), and a simple, navy-blue, short-sleeved shirt. Well, it wasn't that simple parse. The shirt scrunched up around the bust area and it only buttoned u a little more than halfway, so, basically, it made my boobs look about twice their size. My shoes were probably the only ridiculous thing about my outfit. They were white, three-inch, open-toed stilettos. They had straps that hooked around my ankles and Alice had even pinned on a glittery, flower accessory on my left ankle strap that or me in any matched my shirt perfectly. In short, they were a death trap. For me in any case.

"You know," Emmett's voice broke me out of my day dream, "you guys are going to love it there. Rose and I go all the time!"

Carlisle noticeably slowed down as he began to enter the Seattle. We couldn't have been on the road for a half hour yet we were already here. I never realized that Carlisle drives faster than even Edward.

"That is _way_ too much information," Jasper muttered.

"Well not _all_ the time, exactly," Emmett defended himself. "Just--"

"We've gone once," Rosalie interjected. "And it was only because Emmett told me they were having a sale on shoes there."

Okay, so I realize that it was probably the stupidest thing I could do, but I couldn't help it. I giggled.

And the car got quiet.

"I'm sorry, is something _funny_ Bella?" Rosalie asked me, poison dripping off of her words.

"Uhh, well- I mean... like." Wow, not only do I piss off Rosalie, but I start to stammer like an idiot, too. "It's just… did you honestly believe that a strip club was having a sale on shoes?"

Alice snorted (which still managed to come out sounding like an angel sing) and when I glanced at Edward I was pleased to see laughter building up behind his eyes.

"Hey, whatever, stripper shoes are cute," was Rosalie's answer.

"Touché," Alice agreed.

"Alright Emmett, how do we get there?" Carlisle asked from the front seat.

Five minutes later we were parked outside of the Teasers.

"You guys ready?" Emmett asked excitedly.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who groaned.

"That's the spirit guys!" And Emmett jumped over Jasper and was the first out of the car.

I held on tightly to Edward as we made our way up to the door. I didn't trust the shoes Alice put me in.

"Bella, I told you. You-are-not-going-to-trip! Pfft, you're not even going to stumble once this whole night! So let go of Edward before I make you!" The evil pixie growled at me.

Reluctantly, I let go of Edward and we all walked into the club.

And I didn't stumble once.

"Hello, welcome to the Teasers! Do you have an appointment?" Said a lady at the desk when we walked in.

I had to say, it was the single most… _classy_… strip club I could imagine. Really though, I felt like I walked into a nice front room rather than a strip club. The room was circular with the desk the woman sat at right next to the door. There was a hallway to the left of us and on to the right. Then there were double doors in between them; parallel to the door we walked in to. It was dim, but not too dark, with red and yellow tint. Comfy couches were placed along the walls. Waiting seats I imagined.

"Yes, it should be under Cullen?" Alice said.

Everyone gave her a curious glance but she ignored us as the woman gasped loudly… and over dramatically.

"Wow! What an honor to meet you Cullen party! Oh, well I've been so rude! I'm Remy and can I say, thank you?" She asked.

Since no one else seemed to be able to say anything I took it as my duty to ask, "Why?"

"Well you see, you made this appointment a year and a half ago…"

I frowned. That hardly seemed like a good reason to be all excited. Maybe she was just making up some lame excuse in order to cover up her shock at the Cullen's beauty?

"What? You guys don't have planned parties?" Emmett asked.

Remy gave him a coy smile. "Well sure we do," she said casually. "The only problem with _your _reservation, however, is that a year and a half ago… we were still building this place."

We all gave Alice another quick glance (well okay, the vampires' glance was quick, mine lasted like eighty years) but she just stood there… looking innocent.

"So you see, the girls and I had placed a bet on whether you would actually show up or not. I said thank you because I just won two-fifty!" she beamed at us. "Okay well, I'll just show you to your room now. We saved you the best private showroom."

Remy (who I forgot to mention is gorgeous! And that's coming from someone who hangs around with vampires all day! I swear, life can really suck at times) led us down the right hallway. I began to relax with the shoes Alice gave me. They weren't that hard to walk in actually.

We passed by door after door. I heard nothing but I began to get the feeling that I was missing something because whenever we passed by a door Emmett and Jasper would fight the urge to laugh, Edward would cringe, Carlisle and Esme would exchange a look, and Alice and Rosalie would just give each other a knowing smile. Damn, curse my pathetic, human ears.

"And here we are." Remy opened the last door in the hallway and ushered us inside.

The room was larger than the Cullen's family room but smaller than a small conference room…if that makes any sense. I guess it would suffice to say that it was of medium size. There were small, circle tables with paired chairs surrounding the stage, which was about fifteen to twenty feet long and about six feet wide.

"The only rule we ask of you is to please refrain from touching the girls. If you do, security will throw you out." Remy gave Emmett an apprehensive look. She was probably trying to imagine an_yone _trying to throw _him _out.

I had to fight a smile as all the guys, including Carlisle, nodded their head solemnly. It didn't help that I saw Emmett roll his eyes. He gave me a wink when he caught my eye but then we refocused our attention to Remy as she finally left us.

"We hope you enjoy your party. We've saved our best girls for you tonight. Your show will begin momentarily." And finally, she was gone.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Emmett rounded on Alice.

"Explain," he demanded. She sighed.

"Okay, well remember about a year and a half ago, when they were first building this place, and we were all joking around about it? Well, I got a vision that you were going to dare us into going so I decided that I might as well have made an appointment. No matter what I tried it always came back to you getting us to go one way or another." Alice shrugged in a "no big deal" kind of way.

"You know Emmett," Jasper began with a grin on his face. "I think you should explain why you wanted Rosalie to come to a strip club with you in the first place."

Emmett grinned and Edward groaned.

"Nothing like a little foreplay," Emmett said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

"You cannot even begin to imagine the visual he just had," my poor, little Edward with his mind-reading abilities muttered.

It was then when the lights went out. Everyone ran to their seats (and yes, I mean vampire speed running, which basically means I didn't even know we had ran until I blinked and was in my seat) .

And queue the cheap stripper music. I swear, it sounded like elevator music with a really nice beat. Then, all of a sudden, I got nervous. Really nervous. Really, really, _really, _nervous.

I gripped Edward's hand and glanced up at him. He was giving me a warm smile… but I could see the tension behind his eyes. It felt good to know that I wasn't the only one nervous.

A girl walked out onto the stage and began her sultry walk down the catwalk. The screen behind her flashed, "Lacey Macy".

Wow, way to leave nothing to the imagination.

She walked down to the middle of the stage where the stripper's best friend was waiting. I focused on her outfit in order to block out what she was doing to that poor pole.

She was dressed as a slutty school girl (how original) with a short sleeved, white button shirt that showed _way_ too much cleavage (I blushed and cringed when I realized that my own shirt wasn't too different save for the color), a plaid skirt that was pretty moth a cloth wrapped around her hips, black thigh-high fishnet socks, and finally, black stilettos that were about five inches high.

Great, now I had to watch her.

She twirled and danced around the pole. At some point, she even managed to swing her legs up, grab the pole and hang upside down as she threw off her shirt.

It was easy to see how she got the name _Lacey Macy_. The red, lace bra she was wearing was practically see through. She slid down from the pole and crawled over to the edge of the stage where Edward and I were sitting.

"Hi," she purred at us as she went into a split.

I cringed away from the sight. She "danced" a little more before moving away back to her pole.

I had to give it to Lacey Macy. The girl was strong. She was twirling around the pole one-handed, about two feet off the ground, all while removing her skirt only to reveal…gasp! A lace thong! How unexpected! Pfft "thong" was an understatement. It was more like a string up her ass. Which, in all fairness, is exactly what a thong is, but you know what I mean.

She was in front of Carlisle and Esme now. Her back was facing them and was bent over while shaking her butt at them. I tried hard not to smile at Esme's gaping face of horror. That smile went away quickly however when Lacey Macy turned toward them and shimmied out of her bra.

"Oh, no," I whispered to myself.

I turned to look at Edward only to find that he wasn't sitting next to me anymore. I looked around frantically (and unnecessarily) only to find him at the foot of the stage… with his brothers.

They were cat calling and placing money in her fishnets as she danced in front of them. Well, okay, so Edward wasn't really cat-calling, that was mostly Emmett, but still! What did he think he was doing?

"So you've spotted them." I statred some to see Alice in Edward's seat. I hadn't seen her get there at all.

"What are they doing?" I asked her furiously.

She looked over her shoulder at the boys and shrugged. "What does it look like? Being idiots."

"Okay, but _Edward?_ Edward and idiot don't mix. I mean, sure, Emmett, but Edward? And Jasper!" if I could some it up in one word, one could call me pissed.

"I know what you mean," Alice said grimly.

"We are so getting them back," said Rosalie's voice from behind me.

I jumped but quickly got over it when I saw Edward place a tip in the waistband of Lacey Macy's thong.

"Oh I will do _anything_ to get back at them," I said darkly.

Suddenly, Alice's face went blank for a second. When she got out of her vision she gave me and Rosalie an insidious grin.

"Oh, we'll get them back. You can bet on me," was all she said.

**So?? Lol please...**

**REVIEW!! **


	3. Chapter 3

**I know, I know, I know, I _KNOW. _Lol this chapter is _way_ overdue but i do have excuses!! And even if you don't care I'm going to give them to you!**

**1. This is my first year with AP classes and it's my junior year which is HELLA important for college right? (Btw, my AP classes are English, Bio, and History...yeah)**

**2. My internet has actually been down for a while. It sucked. Especially when I had projects to look up.**

**3. I rewrote this chapter like three times beofore deciding that there was just no way I would be able to keep this story three chapters. There's defianty one more but idk, it might grow.**

**4. I have hardly any freetime with my dance classes...every Saturday mornig and after school on Wednesdays and Thursdays.**

**5. I'VE BEEN JOB HUNTING! Lol. It's rety fun becuase i need mulah as of...now. ;)**

**So yeah, there are my excuses...they're actually pretty good reasons don't you think??**

**Anywho, I hope you all still review! Now on withthe story!**

**Recap:**

_Bella's POV_

_"Oh I will do anything to get back at them," I said darkly._

_Suddenly, Alice's face went blank for a second. When she got out of her vision she gave me and Rosalie an insidious grin._

_"Oh, we'll get them back. You can bet on me," was all she said._

* * *

**Ch 3!**

Edward's POV

Alright, I know that there is no _logical_ reason fir me to be here at the Teasers placing money in a striper's thong but I couldn't help it. My idiot brother persuaded me (through his thoughts) to "let loose" for once in my life. I decided that trying to argue that my marrying Bella was pretty "loose letting" would get me essentially nowhere with him so I just went along with him.

Actually, I had to admit, it was fun. I could hear every erotic thought that Lacy Macy was having as we placed tip after tip onto some part of clothing on her. They were mostly the same. Consisting of, _Oh I would just _love _for the buff one to move his hand up just a little more higher…_

Or, _The blonde is just too cute! I wonder if he's a handcuff type of guy? _Or even, _The green-eyed one is so sexy. I would love to have just five minutes alone with him._ Seriously, the girl was horny. She was doing pretty well at being professional about it though, so that was good…right?

"See? I told you guys that you'd love it," Emmett said with a big smile on his face.

"Okay, Emmett, you win this round. The club is actually sort of… exhilarating," Jasper agreed.

"Yes, Jasper has it right. I didn't expect it to be so enjoyable," I told him. As soon as the words left my mouth I felt guilty.

I shouldn't be here, at a strip club, having fun when my _fiancée _was less than fifteen feet away from me.

"Oh stop feeling guilty Edward!" Jasper chastised me. "The girls are having fun--," he stopped suddenly. "Hey, where are the girls at?"

I doubted that he would get an answer from Emmett considering that Lacy Macy had just gotten back on the pole and was now spinning around upside down---breasts flailing--on the pole.

"Don't worry, Jasper. They're on their way back. Bella had to use the restroom," I told him.

We continued to pay back our attention to Lacy Macy and about two minutes later, the girls walked back into our private party room. They took seats near the back of the room (as far away from Lacy as they could get) and stayed there. Five minutes later, Lacy Macy's dance was finished. She bowed and smiled at my brothers and me before departing backstage.

"That was awesome!" Emmett said as we walked to the back of the room to where the girls were sitting.

"It was rather enjoyable," Jasper agreed.

"Did you like the show Edward?" Bella asked me sweetly. I was tactful enough to feel a little abashed.

"Well--erm--it was okay I guess." I was expecting to se at least a flash of anger in Bella's eyes but there was none. I looked towards Jasper.

She's feeling relieved he thought to me.

"Oh. That's good right? Even if the show was just okay?" She asked.

"Sure. I mean, I guess it was a little more than 'okay'. Maybe…pretty good?" My reply was more like a question. I was hesitant of her answer.

"Oh yes, I thought it was pretty good too." I know it was petty of me, but I was angry.

Well worried might be a better word. It's just that I have no idea why she was being so calm! I wanted to yell out and demand for her to tell me what she was thinking but right when I opened my mouth Remy walked in the room.

"Alright, I fixed it all up with the girls. They are a little disappointed that they won't get the chance to dance for you but they wish good luck," she said to Alice. God! I really do hate when people think around what they are talking about at the moment. Especially if they don't realize that they are doing it.

None of Remy's thoughts explained what was going on. All she was thinking was "how wonderful of an idea" it was. I mean really? Can't she just think what she means like a normal person…? Ha, how ironic. I want _her _to be normal? Am I not a vampire who can read minds?

"Well tell them thanks for us." Alice gave Remy a bright smile that left her eyes slightly glazed over as she received the full effect of Alice's dazzle.

"N-n-no problem," she stuttered before rushing out.

"Alice. What. Was. That. About?" Emmett demanded. "What does she mean by, 'the girls are a little disappointed that they won't get the chance to dance for you,'? Are there no more strippers?"

I saw Alice's mind before she had the chance to tell Emmett. And it was _not_ happening.

"No." I said barely keeping my tone from shaking. "Alice, no. I will not allow it." I was livid but seeing the outraged smirk on Alice's face made me want to rethink my approach.

"Oh, you won't _allow_ it? I am pretty sure that whatever Bella wants to do is up to _Bella_. Not you Edward." I gave Alice another glare as she told me off before slowly turning to Bella.

She looked--to say the least--pissed.

"Bella, what I meant was--"

"What you meant, _Edward_, is exactly what you said," she told me grimly. "If you are going to have fun at the strip club then so am I."

"Okay but, Love, do you have to go to this extreme?" I begged.

"Will somebody _please _inform us normal non-mind reading vampires as to what is going on?" Emmet said exasperated.

I turned to look at my two brothers. "Your wives and my fiancé have decided that we are enjoying ourselves too much. Therefore, they have concluded that they will just--erm--'have fun with us'." Emmett and Jasper exchanged a look.

"Well, Edward," Jasper began. "That actually doesn't sound too bad."

Emmett thumped me on the back. "Yeah bro! the more the merrier right?" he had such a stupid grin on his face. I wanted to punch some sense into him.

I sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of my nose so that I wouldn't lose control.

"They feel like we're not paying the proper attention. Apparently we seemed to be more into Lacy Macy than them." I said, hoping they would get it.

They didn't.

"Aww ladies! Were you guys jealous of Lacy?" Emmett walked over to stand behind the girls. He somehow managed to put his arms around all three of them at the same time with Bella and Rosalie under his arms and Alice in the middle right under his nose.

"Oh yes, Emmett. We were very jealous. It was so hard seeing you practically drool over the human." Really, Emmett must be and _idiot_ to not have heard the sarcasm dripping off of Rose's voice.

I guess he's an idiot.

"Now, girls," he said to them. "You mustn't think like that. The only reason it might have looked that way is because Lacy Macy there was dancing half-naked and after awhile she was dancing _fully_-naked. Of course, I'm not saying she was the best look ever. I mean how could I with Rose by my side? But what I am saying is that, for a human, the girl was hot. She must have been new because it looked like she was actually trying to focus on her dancing rather than just getting naked. Plus, she didn't cake on her makeup like human girls do--aside from you of course Bella. In conclusion, it should be obvious to see how we were attracted to her, no? Please take no offense to it. I mean, if you think about it, I would do the same thing--ignore everyone I mean--if Rosalie was to dance naked on the stage. So, as you can se, no harm done. We love you girls, you know we do. So how about you three run off to Remy and tell her the show is back on?"

Are. you. _Fucking_. Serious? Emmett is the most dim-witted, brainless, nitwit I have _ever_ met in my hundred years! Why did he say that? Does he even realize that he only made things worse?

_Hey Edward? Am I missing something here? The girls are actually…happy? Pleased? I'm not even really sure, but they also feel bad--no--terrible, for Emmett. I have a feeling that the girls are up to something way bigger than just stopping the strippers._

All I had to do was give Jasper a serious look before he suddenly looked panicked. He didn't have time to even think anything else before Rosalie began talking.

"Emmett, you are so right! We totally understand now! But there's only one thing that we don't fully agree on." Rosalie was giving Emmett this big seductive look and had walked from under his stroll around him. "There is really no need for me to 'run off to Remy'."

"Oh really?" he said, trying to watch Rosalie as she continually sauntered around him.

She gave him a sly smile in return and finally stopped in front of him. She got close to him and leaned in on the side that wasn't taken by Bella to whisper (which was mostly for dramatics I'm guessing considering we could all hear with our vampire skills),

"Because _we're _going to dance for you instead."

There was complete silence as the effect of Rose's words sunk in. surprisingly; Emmett was the first to come around.

"So, you and Alice are going to dance for us?"

Rose only nodded.

"Sweet! I guess that _is _better! Man! I should have thought of this earlier! My own private show by the hottest woman in the world? Oh bring it on baby!" Emmett was doing this weird jitterbug thing when little (evil!) Alice cleared her throat.

"Oh Emmett, you missed something in your little shout of victory," she told him.

Emmett seemed lost as he slowly came to a halt in his "dance".

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked who was just as excited as Emmett to be getting a potential striptease from Alice.

"It won't be just one of us dancing," Alice explained to Jasper as she walked over to him and ran a hand through his hair.

"Wait, so you guys are going to dance with a _real_ stripper too?! Oh, man this is too good!" Emmett, the royal Ass, was back to his happy dance.

"No, that's not exactly what Alice meant." Rosalie moved to place a hand on Emmett's arm, which instantly had him, calm. "We'll each be dancing alone but it won't be a private dance."

"Not a private…? Wait! Are you saying that I'm going to have to watch _you_ strip?" Jasper yelled, horrified, at Rosalie.

Rosalie only smiled politely at him.

What a trickster.

"Jasper what does it matter? Just close your eyes when Rose goes. I mean honestly, you know how we feel when we having sex. Actually, seeing the bigger picture won't hurt that bad. Besides, its not like it's Bella going up there! Now that would awkward!" Emmett laughed loudly and pretty soon Jasper joined in.

"Touché! Well, I'm ready to--"

"She is." I couldn't hold in my frustration any longer. Watching Jasper and Emmett go back and forth about this whole thing was finally getting to me. And then, they laugh! Laugh as if it's the most preposterous thing they had ever heard! Well, now they had it coming for them.

"She? She who? What's _she_ doing?" Emmett said in a rush.

And then I froze. I couldn't bring myself to say the awful (well not so much "awful" as surprising) words. Then, a small "ahem" rang through the room. Bella stood there in the same position she was in when Emmett had first put his arm around her.

"I'm 'she'," she said serenely.

"Huh?" Emmett said dumbly.

Bella sighed. "Never mind," she simply said. "You'll figure it out sooner or later."

_It will defiantly be sooner_ I thought feebly.

"Okay, well then if all this confusion is over with, let's go get our striptease!"

Goddamn Emmett and is immature behavior!

"Sure, we just gotta head to the main room," Alice said.

"The main room? Why would we need the main room? It's just us isn't it?" Jasper asked curiously.

"Oh no, no, no lover boy," Rosalie taunted. "We're performing in front of the _entire_ club."

Jasper and Emmett's jaws dropped.

"Yeah," I told them. "And wait till you see what they have planned. Stupid, horny, naïve, injudicious vampires."

"Aww it's okay Eddie," Alice said, ignoring my malevolent glare at the use of that ridiculous pet name. "It won't be that bad."

"Sure Alice, sure."

But naturally she was right. It wouldn't be _bad_. It would be ghastly.

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Okies, there it is.

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**Review?? Even if it's just to yell at me??**


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